I can’t stand Julian Assange. There, it’s out in the open for all to see - I consider him to be vain, arrogant, over ambitious and egotistical and given half the chance, I’m sure he would be throwing babies onto bonfires with every other dictator on the planet but much to my dismay, he isn’t, he is currently relaxing over a good book of “Learn Spanish in 2 months” at the invitation of the Ecuadorian Embassy in West London, facing arrest by the boys in blue should he dare to stretch his legs on the mean streets of Knightsbridge.

I won’t pretend to know much about International extradition laws or bilateral judicial treaties, but it seems strange to me that Julian Assange, an Australian citizen, has now been under house arrest in that bastion of Liberty and Free Speech, the United Kingdom (no, not Burma) for more than 600 days without charge on the suggestion that he deliberately ripped a condom whilst enjoying a week long stay at a girlfriends house in Sweden. What is stranger is that he has now fled to the embassy of an obscure South American country more renowned for locking up journalists than offering them asylum (although he still has 1500 wikileaks cables from the Ecuadorian Embassy that he has yet to publish - coincidence, no doubt)

Of course, all of this boils down to one single issue. Much like the mouthy trollops looking at 3-5 years of hard labour for daring to criticise the Glorious ex KGB spymaster and current “leader” of the Soviet Union, his Holyness St Vladimir of Putin, Assange has made those who pretend to work in our interests look like what they are - liars, thieves and murderers. From the moment Wikileaks decided that free speech and freedom of information counted for more than the vested interested of Politicians, he was a marked man.

It is only the power of the Internet that is keeping Julian Assange alive. Thirty years ago, he would have quietly vanished out of the back of a troop transport at 30,000 feet or been stabbed with a poisoned umbrella as the world’s top secret agents vied to hunt him down and claim his traitorous scalp – instead, he has thwarted their efforts through their own incompetence like Inspector Clouseau at the Munich Beer festival in the Pink Panther. We are now faced with our own midget foreign secretary huffing and puffing that if needs be, he will blow down the doors of the Ecuadorian embassy and by the hairs on his chinny chin chin will send this loud mouth upstart of to face charges in Stockholm (via an RAF transport en route to some CIA hellhole, no doubt – it wouldn’t be the first time after all).

What happened to this country? Since when did people in the UK have to seek asylum FROM the UK? When did we start threatening to overrun embassies like some Iranian Revolutionary guard? Why do our masters regard someone who has facilitated the greatest flow of information in the history of the nation State as an enemy of the people? When did we start persecuting those who seek freedom of speech instead of those who forbid it?

My suggestion? Short of simply allowing Assange to go and live in Ecuador whereby the problem becomes theirs, not ours, he should become a renegade citizen of any of a multitude of rogue Middle Eastern states – after all, we’ve been banned from sending the world’s most violent actual terrorists anywhere for decades “for fear of persecution”, right? If he plays his cards right, he could even get a council house……